Well lucky for you I am going to infuse you with the motivation to succeed by forcing you to take full responsibility for yourself while developing an obsessive self-hate toward being a whiny little bitch that is most likely your default state if you’re accustomed to eating unrestricted quantities of whatever the fuck you feel like, whenever you feel like eating it.
1. Choose A Proven Method
Obvious, but needs to be said.
If you’re going go to the effort to undertake a diet and improve your health, you need to do something that you know will produce results.
Now, I don’t mean getting a pack of Acai berry pills and a fucking ab machine from the infomercials aired during Dr Phil where the only results you will achieve is having any half-intelligent person know know you are a lazy, gullible retard.
I mean a proven form of dieting that has yielded results from individuals that are biologically similar to yourself.
Be sure your chosen plan is not going to be a complete waste of time and make sure you take advice from people who have been where you want to be.
There’s no use getting dietary advice from your chubby Doc. While he may have some “knowledge” on dieting, he doesn’t have the real life experience. If he did, he wouldn’t be fat. Without experience, knowledge doesn’t count for shit.
Take advice from people who walk the walk. Thus, if you want to get ripped you should only take dietary advice from people who are actually ripped, makes sense right?
More often than not parents, peers, co-workers and most other over-opinionated, ill-informed individuals will talk out of their ass all day about how to get in shape, even though they consider their bi-weekly 30 minute walk a “workout” and brag about their #determination and #willpower to everyone and anyone who will listen with an inflection that is begging for validation and a gold star for getting their fat ass off the couch for once.
Don’t take mediocre people seriously, they’re talking out of their ass.
My recommendation is Ketogenic dieting for pretty much anyone who is accustomed to high carbohydrate living. As uneducated abuse of carbohydrates is the reason why modern humans are lazy, fat, diseased and depressed slugs.
With that being said, Ketogenic dieting is not the be all, end all of dieting. I don’t walk around touting Ketogenic diets with the superiority complex and complete disregard for reality to match a vegan or a feminist, I just know they work from first hand experience and from the people I have helped with them.
You can still eat carbs and get lean and jacked, but you better learn how to use those fuckers correctly.
2. It’s Going to Suck to Begin With, Shut the Fuck Up and Keep Going.
“The hardest part about starting a diet is the initial shifting gears”.
– Owen Cook
This is true, especially if you’ve spent you’re life up until now indulging in uninhibited gluttony and spare of the moment convenience/gratification. You’re ego (the part of you that wants you to stay the same and never become uncomfortable) is going to throw up all sorts of objections and rationalizations in your head that will be tempting to take seriously. Success comes when you learn not to take everything your mind says seriously.
The good news is that after the first couple of months (usually sooner), it gets easier and easier. To the point where breaking your diet isn’t even a considerable option, you don’t even think about it.
Once you’ve cultivated the habit, shit gets real easy.
But to start with you’ll probably think that you need to whine on the internet about how difficult it is and talk shit with other pissed off people about your struggles. This is a waste of time and only forces you to strengthen your resistance to the diet.
If you’re pissed off, my recommendation is to get in the gym and take it out on the barbell. Learn to channel negative energy into positive action.
3. Accept That You’re To Blame For Your Current Physical State
If you are overweight/not close to your ideal body type, there is only one person in the entire world who is at fault: You.
You can bitch and moan about “convenience” and handball the responsibility off to whoever does the shopping/cooking or rationalize that it’s too hard to eat right with your current lifestyle, but only one thing happens when you don’t hold yourself accountable – you stay the same.
If somebody else cooks food for you, either ask them to cook according to your diet or just fucking cook for yourself. Start taking responsibility.
The day you realize that you are completely responsible for your entire life situation is the day you can start changing it. Living in self delusion and denying responsibility for your own life is the path to mediocrity and unhappiness.
4. Progress Happens Slowly, One Day at A Time
You’re not going to get ripped in two weeks and there is no shortcut to real success.
Just take it one day at a time, don’t worry about tomorrow or next week, focus on simply making yourself better when you get into bed at night than you were that getting out of it that morning.
Real progress is slow, but the only other option is becoming worse, you choose.
5. Be Prepared to Look Stupid
“We live in a society where you will look more ridiculous walking down the street eating a cucumber than eating a bag of Cheetos”
– Owen Cook
Yes, two quotes from the same dude in one post and I don’t care, he’s right on the ball.
Think about the looks you would get walking down the street eating a cucumber. A raw vegetable that is nothing but good for your body.
Compare that to the indifferent looks you would receive eating fuzzy orange balls of shit known as Cheetos, that result in decreased mental focus, decreased self esteem, increased likelihood of being a whiny little bitch and when consumed regularly enough, Cancer.
I’ve had friends try to mock me because I was not drinking beer in a pub (I say “try” because I’m too far gone to give a shit what anybody thinks of my eating habits, it’s interesting to watch their reaction as I stare at them blankly in complete indifference), as if the only way to world could continue to function was as if everybody stuck to the norms and followed the “rules” of society.
I look stupid when I eat food around others and incredulous looks are the norm when I tell people I don’t eat sugar and the bulk of my diet consists of eggs and cream. I don’t care.
To begin with it will be uncomfortable, but when you get to the point where you see your own progress and begin to enjoy the process and the results, you simply drop the trivial need to impress others. They can sit around talking shit all they want, I get to wake up to a glorious set of abs and newly surfaced veins each morning, while feeling fucking awesome, happy and peaceful 95% of the day.
Mock me all you want fuckers, I’m too busy winning to care.
I think you get the point, if you can’t follow through with your diet you have nobody to blame but yourself. You’re weak and excuses don’t count for shit in the real world. You either get something done or you don’t. And when it comes to dieting, there is no award for “giving it your best shot”.
Find something that works, then go and do it.